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Parenting Press®Welcome to the March 2010
“News for Parents”
This electronic newsletter has dozens of ideas that we at Parenting Press hope you’ll find helpful and interesting. To suggest a story topic or to comment on article content or format, please use the link after each article; we welcome your feedback.
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IN THIS ISSUE
- WHAT’S NEW?
- FEATURES
- POTPOURRI
- COMING ATTRACTIONS
- Earth Day!
- Use Books to Guide Your Child’s Emotional and Intellectual Development
- What’s Obsolete?
- Totally for Troops
I. WHAT’S NEW?
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“What About Me?” and Biting
Your child bites? Kicks? The Children’s Book Guide has just recommended our What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention (Without Hitting Your Sister) as an excellent tool for teaching kids how to get attention without biting or kicking. Written by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a clinical psychologist and mother of four, this full-color children’s book was illustrated by Mits Katayama, the Seattle grandfather who has done the water colors for many of our other publications.
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Bullying: What Makes Children Vulnerable to Bullies? To Bully?
If you’re concerned about your child’s interactions with other kids, or if you suspect your child may be turning into a bully, here’s food for thought from those who study both the victims and perpetuators of physical, cyber and psychological harassment.
Kids are more likely to be the victims of bullies if:
They demonstrate aggressive behavior (children who do not develop the verbal skills to express feelings and resolve issues are more often bullied)
They demonstrate oppositional behavior and hyperactivity (research shows that children who do not attempt to get along with peers and children who are far more active than others and who make irritating actions are also vulnerable to rejection and bullying)
There is abuse, neglect or violence in your home.
Other factors include:
- Speech problems
- Physical clumsiness
- Physical or mental disabilities
- Shyness and unsociability
- Willingness to submit to a bully (to be accepted, for example)
What makes children more likely to bully? They are the kids who
- Have higher levels of anger and impulsivity
- Are defiant toward adults
- Have few friends and less sense of belonging
- Seek to dominate or manipulate
- Are poor losers
- Lack nonviolent communication strategies and skills
- Refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior
- Crave attention
They may also:
- Have punitive or coercive parents (in other words, a harsh home environment where children are yelled at, called names or threatened)
- Watch television, movies and videos where put-downs are depicted as acceptable
- Interpret innocent actions as hostile and uses these as excuses to strike out (for example, when bumped into)
- May be victims of bullying
- Come from homes where there is abuse, neglect or violence
What is bullying? Yes, it’s having your lunch or lunch money stolen, or being beat up, or having rumors spread about you. It’s also:
- Threatening (for example, to hurt a child, the child’s pet or someone the child loves if the child doesn’t do or give something, or if the child reports what has happened)
- Stalking and cyberstalking (for example, following someone)
- Theft and vandalism of possessions (stealing or destroying school supplies, lunch, electronic games, sports gear)
- Sexual, religious or racial harassment, which can be slurs, gestures, or electronic bullying (referring to the victim with a derogative name, using rude gestures, using e-mail or web sites to spread hurtful or untruthful messages about the victim’s sexual activity or orientation, or about the victim’s religion or race)
- Public humiliation (for example, insulting someone on the playground, sports field or at a scout meeting or party)
- Excluding someone socially (“You can’t play with us,” or getting up and moving when the victim sits down at the same lunch table)
- Spreading lies or rumors (in conversation, with notes, with e-mail or on such web sites as Facebook, with falsehoods or innuendoes)
If you suspect or know that your child is being bullied, consider volunteering or observing in your child’s classroom or on the playground or sports field. With your child’s help, document the incidents. Ask your child if earlier bullying has been reported to the appropriate adults. If not, list the dates and places that bullying has occurred, who was involved (the bully and the witnesses, if possible), and what happened.
Take this to the appropriate adult. If the bully is an adult, and you have observed the bullying, try to discuss the issue in a nonconfrontational way. One expert suggests saying, “My child seems to be afraid of school. Any ideas why that might be?” Take notes on the responses, and if necessary, discuss them with the principal or other supervisor. A helpful resource for dealing with school bullying is Allan L. Beane’s Bullying Prevention for Schools: A Step-by-Step Guide to Implementing a Successful Anti-Bullying Program, published by Jossey-Bass in 2009.
You can also help your child deal with bullies by using books that allow kids to practice responses. With My Name is Not Dummy, I Want to Play, Heidi’s Irresistible Hat, Amy’s Disappearing Pickle and Bully on the Bus, your child can role-play through typical situations and be better prepared to communicate with peers.
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What Courses Should College-Bound Teenagers Take?
If you have a child heading for high school—or already there, and college is being considered, take a look at the courses your student is enrolling in. Even if you or your teenager is unsure about what to do after high school, taking math, science and language arts will help in any direction. For kids who plan to attend college, math, lab sciences, language arts, social studies and foreign language are usually a must; the more competitive college and universities expect applicants to have four years of each, many in Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate courses. (Not all of which are available in all schools.)
Katherine Vaughan, a college counselor in Seattle, points out that a high school transcript is the single admission factor that a student can control: your child can select which courses to take, and determine what grades are earned. What other parents add is that even if your child’s school does not have a strong academic curriculum, your family may be able to supplement it with courses at local colleges (on campus, online or via correspondence) or with online courses available through several school districts or the programs that partner with them. If you type “online high school courses” into an Internet search engine, you’ll see many listings. Some programs offer free courses for their state residents. Students can also take noncredit courses if they simply want more practice or information that their high school courses do not offer. (The “News for Parents” editor’s daughter took a noncredit summer course in French, for example, to improve her conversation skills.)
How important is that transcript? Vaughan cites a recent survey of 500 admissions counselors across the U.S. Eighty percent said grades in college prep courses are “of considerable importance” in assessing applicants. Similarly important (in descending order of importance) are:
- Strength of student’s curriculum
- SAT and ACT scores
- Grades in all courses
Other factors, which the counselors ranked as either of “considerable” or “moderate” importance, are:
- Essays or writing samples
- Class rank
- The student’s demonstrated interest in the college
- Counselor recommendations
- Teacher recommendations
- An interview (not always required)
- Scores on the Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate exams
Extracurricular activities and work were not ranked high, but counselors say that is misleading. Most schools want to see that kids have a life outside the classroom. Like most counselors and school advisers, however, Vaughan recommends that students not simply amass a list of activities.
“It’s fabulous to be involved in something you love, and if it also looks good on your application or resume, that’s great,” she said.
The College Board web site explains that activities reveal a great deal about students to admissions staff. For example:
- How a student has made a meaningful contribution to something
- What non-academic interests are
- Whether a student can maintain a long-term commitment
- Whether a student can manage time and priorities
- What diversity a student might bring to the college student body
“Colleges don’t have a checklist of requirements when it comes to extracurriculars—they want to see your individuality—and your consistent commitment,” adds the College Board.
Students who are keeping their grades up despite working several hours a week will also impress most admissions directors. (Some scholarship programs also request recommendation letters from supervisors.)
The web site of the College Board (collegeboard.org), which administers the AP, SAT and PSAT exams, allows you to compare what different colleges say is important. For example, according to the College Board, Kansas State University considers the following “very important:”
- Class rank
- Rigor of curriculum
- SAT or ACT scores
- Academic GPA
Applicants are expected to be completing four years of English, a year and a half of history, three years of math, three years of science and two years of social studies.
Pomona College lists as “most important:”
- School achievement record
- Test scores
- Essays
- Three recommendations
Applicants should have taken at least four years of English, two of a foreign language (three is preferred), three years of history, three years of math (four is preferred), three years of science (four is preferred, with three to be lab sciences), and two years of social studies.
At Auburn University, the most important factors in admission are the essay on the application, SAT and ACT scores and a student’s academic GPA. Applicants are expected to be completing four years of English, three of math, two of science (two lab sciences are recommended), three years of social studies. At least a year of foreign language is also recommended.
What else should you and your child remember? To avoid the “senior slump.” Most educators point out, and most families discover, that junior year of high school is the most demanding. But that’s no excuse for dropping out of everything, taking lightweight courses or letting your grades slide during senior year. Some colleges make admission contingent upon “satisfactory” (to the colleges) completion of senior year, and occasionally offers of admission are withdrawn after a college has seen final high school grades.
(Related articles include “Staying Sane and Solvent through the College Search” in the February issue and “What Families Need to Know about Pre-College Exams” in the January issue. Also of interest: “Helping Kids Overcome Writer’s Block” in the October 2009 issue and “Common Errors in English Usage” in August.)
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Party Prep as a Learning Opp
Getting ready for a festive Easter or Passover celebration? Your young children can practice sorting and counting as they lay out flatware, and everyone can put small motor skills to good use when trying elaborate napkin folds. Your library may have books on napkin origami, or try “how to fold napkins” in your Internet search engine.
Kids can use simple and complex paper crafts to make napkin rings, place cards and table decorations. We found several ideas at MarthaStewart.com; for outdoor festivities, check the “summer party” and “summer craft” ideas as well as the “holiday tips.” If you’d like fresh flowers for your holiday table, fill a pretty pot now with starts that will be blooming by the day of your event. Or seed in grass that’ll sprout tall enough to shelter foil-wrapped chocolate bunnies!
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Use Eco-Guide for Saving Time, Money and the Planet
New this month: The Eco-Nomical Baby Guide: Down-to-Earth Ways for Parents to Save Money and the Planet, written by Joy Hatch and Rebecca Kelley (Stewart, Tabori & Chang).
The publicist from the book publisher promised us this would be a “fun and informative book for new parents who want to go green without going broke,” and she was right. This quick and easy-to-read guide is much more, too!
Written by the mothers of two young children who now also create The Green Baby Guide, The Eco-Nomical Baby Guide says it “adapts commonsense wisdom from previous generations to the age of flushable diapers and Energy Star applicances.” And because that’s true, this would make a wonderful baby shower gift. What we especially like is that it’s not judgmental: the authors predict that you’ll find yourself at different places on the “shades of green” spectrum while starting a family, and they offer information for almost every one of those spots.
There are the usual alarmist statistics: more than half of disposable diapers are petroleum products, and that means that Americans use more than seven billion gallons of oil each year in Huggies and such every single year. That adds up to 3.4 million tons of trash, the authors point out. Their contrast on the costs of disposable diapers vs. cloth diapers washed at home seems extreme, although there is a footnote on the higher electric, water and sewer rates we have in Seattle, where “News for Parents” is created.
What applies to all prospective and new parents is the practical advice on many topics. For example:
the different kinds of car seats, and why you shouldn’t plan to move a seat from car to car frequently;
cloth diapering how-to’s, with illustrations;
the waiting lists for popular child care centers.
Avoid buying certain gizmos and contraptions before Baby arrives, the authors also counsel, because some babies have very definite preferences about swings, bouncy seats, and even bottles and nipples. (They don’t mention it, but you may also have definite preferences: one mother we know never used a front pack because her babies were enthusiastic about breast-feeding and they went wild when they smelled her.)
Another excellent piece of advice: “Don’t let a bargain keep you from buying quality.” This is especially important when it’s something you’ll use every day or for a long time. The “News for Parents” editor still regrets she didn’t splurge on a stroller designed for tall adults.
Our favorite piece of information: the page that shows the 10 household objects that babies love to play with most, which includes measuring spoons, cardboard boxes and telephones. (Tupperware trumps Fisher-Price!)
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Revisiting Our “RRRRR” Resolutions
Speaking of saving the planet, you’ll recall that our January issue featured a New Year’s resolution to repurpose, repair, recycle, and reuse, to make better use of what we have, and to reduce what we send to the landfill. Here are a few ideas we’ve tried, and we hope they’ll work for you.
Last year’s “page a day” calendar had a plastic stand that works well as an easel for a family snapshot
Plastic soda and water bottles have been cut into funnels that are ideal when you’re transferring messy liquids and want a throwaway
The large wool sweater that came out of the closet with a couple of moth holes has been darned and then machine-washed with hot water to shrink and felt it so that the repairs don’t show, and so it fits a smaller family member
A very holey wool sweater made a trip through the washing machine so that its felted fabric could be used to patch elbows on another sweater of similar color
The shiny cord handle on a now-tattered gift bag makes a perfect belt for a doll dress
The transparent plastic bins that once held salad greens have become mini-greenhouses for this season’s seeds
A coffee can hangs ready for a new bird family, with a small hole cut in the plastic lid for an entrance, and an old pencil poked in for a perch
In Handmade Home: Simple Ways to Repurpose Old Materials into New Family Treasures (Trumpeter, 2009), Amanda Blake Soule shows how to turn the ribbed hem from a felted wool sweater into a lightweight cozy cap, an old shirt into a hot water bottle cover, and a tray-style television tabletop into a child’s portable art tray. (You might glue on a pencil box for crayons, markers and scissors.) We also like her idea for making papier mache bowls (ideal for catching keys or mail): cover a bowl with plastic wrap or foil, and then use this mold as a base for layers of newspaper or envelopes. The finished bowl can be painted or you can do as Soule shows and make the final layer a decorative tissue paper.
At Craft Stylish’s web site (craftstylish.com), you’ll find the how-to’s for turning tiny containers such as soda bottle caps into miniature pincushions. (Search for “How to make pretty pincushions.”) Another author suggested orphaned teacups or sugar bowls as larger pincushion bases. As you’ll see from the accompanying photograph, we used felt scraps and the felted ribbed cuff from the discarded sweater to cover an old metal 35mm film canister. The stuffing is scraps from the felted sweater. (Haven’t used up both sleeves from that raggedy sweater? A quick Internet search will turn up directions for converting a sleeve into a sweater for your pooch!)
II. FEATURES
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Tips for the month
Each Saturday, Parenting Press posts a new parenting tip and the previous week’s tip is moved to the archive. The topics planned for March are:
March 6 — Controlling Your Anger by Attending to Your Own Needs
March 13 — Texting Acronyms 101
March 20 — Successful Co-Parenting
March 27 — Redirecting “Venting” Behavior
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Family Fun Ideas — Celebrate Read Across America with Recipes
March 2, Dr. Seuss’s birthday, is the official “Read Across America Day,” but you can celebrate all month long! You’ll find all sorts of “Seuss-gestions” at nea.org/readacross. The Parenting Press staff, which creates “News for Parents,” will be trying one of the ideas: a meal with foods from our favorite books. Your menu might include pepparkakor from Pippi Longstocking, or goat’s milk and cheese from Heidi, butterbeer and chocolate frogs as made for Harry Potter, pemmican from Swiss Family Robinson, or hardtack, beans and salt pork if you’ve been reading about the Oregon Trail pioneers.
Another way your family can celebrate: dress up like your favorite authors or characters for a special meal, a parade around the house—or even a party with similarly costumed friends and family!
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Community Service — Water, Water, NOT Everywhere
Our goal with this column is to suggest ways that you can model the concept of sharing and giving back to your community. There are other practical advantages to community service, too. Kids can use these projects to meet school or youth group requirements for community service and to start building resumes that they’ll use when applying for first jobs or college.
In March, many of us are planning or even planting our gardens. Others are still cooped up inside, watching the rain or snow fall. Elsewhere in the world, there may not be enough water—for drinking, for planting, and for washing. If you’d like to focus kids on this issue, and its results, one source is the World Water Week web site, www.worldwaterweek.org. As it points out, besides the obvious (dishwashers, washing machines, long showers, hot tubs) we in developed countries have a lot to do with the consumption of water:
“Do you like burgers? Producing one requires 2,400 liters of water. Do you wear jeans? That will be another 10,000 liters, thank you. Drink coffee? There’s 140 liters used in making just one cup. . . .Lifestyle choices and consumption patterns put an imprint on the world’s water resources.”
How large is our water footprint, the web site asks. This is a topic your older children may want to research for a school or youth group project, or a local eco-fair exhibit. For kids interested in a fund-raising project, UNICEF’s Tap Project (www.tapproject.org) is sponsoring a World Water Week this month, and soliciting donations to pay for such projects as water pumps, latrines and hygiene lessons in schools in such countries as Guatemala, Belize, and Nicaragua. You might start small, by seeing how much you can save on your household water bill in the next billing cycle, and then donating that amount to the Tap Project. Or perhaps your kids can staff a water station at a marathon or sell their services as neighborhood window washers using the traditional and water-saving vinegar and newspaper method.
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Raise funds with a Parenting Press Book Fair
Would your school or group like a new fund-raiser?
For years Parenting Press has been offering its carefully written books on child guidance, problem solving and dealing with feelings through preschool Book Fairs. Now our Book Fairs are being expanded to schools, churches, child-care programs, parenting groups—any organization that can use parenting and children’s books.
More information about our Book Fairs is posted online. You’ll find a copy of the brochure, an explanation of how much you can earn with a Book Fair, a step-by-step guide to make Book Fairs easy and fun to organize, and downloadable promotional materials.
III. POTPOURRI
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Special of the month — Order our newest book!
This special has expired.
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