Tip—A whole-brain^® model balances structure with nurture, as well as play with problem-solving.

Parent educator and college professor Susie Weller advocates communicating with our spouses and children in their preferred thinking style. She outlines the four dominant styles, Logical, Practical, Relational, and Creative, in her newly-released book, Why Don't You Understand? Improve Family Communication with the 4 Thinking Styles. (Click here for a quick overview of the four styles.) Thinking styles become very evident when you parent your children. Discipline is typically easier when your child has a thinking style similar to your own and is much more challenging when he or she is on the opposite end of the spectrum.

Logical and Practical parents have no trouble taking charge of situations. They typically give clear guidance about what behavior is acceptable or unacceptable. Children usually know what to expect from them because of consistent follow-through on consequences.

Relational and Creative parents understand that family relationships are like a dance. There’s a time to lead and a time to follow. They compassionately listen to their children’s needs and support flexible options. They let children be in charge of age-appropriate tasks (such as choosing a family game to play) and at other times give directions and expect children to follow their lead.

Under stress, however, all styles run into difficulties. When parenting gets challenging, each style tends to resort to an extreme version of itself. Logical parents go from setting clear boundaries to using threats; Practical parents become “all about the job” and forget the people involved; Relational parents give in to children’s unreasonable demands; Creative parents give up or become inconsistent on following through with consequences.

Tools—Remember, no one thinking style is any better than another. They all have strengths and weaknesses. Let’s take a common parenting challenge and see what the strengths and weaknesses of each style are.

Situation: Three-year-old Sarah throws a tantrum because she wants a cookie five minutes before dinner.

Thinking Style	Strength	Weakness
Logical	“You can have a cookie after dinner.” (Maintains clear limit and ignores tantrum)	“Stop crying right now or you won’t get any dinner.” (Too controlling & punishes tantrum)
Practical	Quietly moves the coffee table so Sarah doesn’t hit her head or break anything. (Keeps child and belongings safe and ignores tantrum)	“None of that!” (Rushes to stop the tantrum before the child is ready to listen)
Relational	“I understand you’re disappointed. You still need to wait for your cookie till after dinner.” (Allows child to express feelings and still maintains limit)	“Oh all right. Here’s the cookie. Now stop crying.” (Feels embarrassed in public or is overwhelmed & gives in to child)
Creative	“I wonder what Sarah needs right now? Maybe she’s hungry and veggies and dip will tide her over till dinner.” (Explores underlying need fueling tantrum)	“What a crybaby—oh, boo hoo.” (Tries to stop tantrum by teasing or mocking child)

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Why Don't You Understand? Improve Family Communication with the 4 Thinking Styles by Susie Leonard Weller.

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